


Should've Swiped Left

by SyoshoHiataki



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Legit I had to include him some how, M/M, Sex Toys, The server and I decided to make it into a bad fanfic, Tinder date, Winter as a Sex Toy, WinterIron Server, WinterIron Server Shenanigans, YEASTIALITY IS LEGIT, okay this was the result of a real life bad tinder date, why not make him a dildo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 12:22:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19701280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SyoshoHiataki/pseuds/SyoshoHiataki
Summary: Tony had a very bad Tinder date. On Yelp, the guy is so getting a -2. On the other hand, he did get a lovely new toy and an even better night. He should send Justin a fruit basket as thanks.





	Should've Swiped Left

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I had a very bad tinder date a few nights ago. Like, ya'll, it was BAD. So, I was telling my favorite server about it and we began joking around with it. It made this and I am finally ready to post it. I couldn't get everyone for the gifting cause *eyes the server* yeah.....it's a lot. So, this will have to do. Love you guys and thanks for making my bad night go right.

Bucky Barnes didn’t mind his job. Actually, he quite enjoyed it very much. Not a lot of places would give him, a veteran down an arm, a job and he was very good at it. When he had first been hired at Dreamers, they didn’t seem to mind that he was missing an arm. Instead, the owner was very happy with how…. murderous he could look. To be quite honest, he wasn't even looking for a job when he got offered the position of security for his favorite sex shop. He had come in to buy some of that self warming lube on sale (Bucky even had a coupon!) to see the cashier being harassed by some jackass and had decided to tell the dude to knock it off and behave OR Bucky would have him removed from the building. 

The guy went with the second option. The cashier had given him a bottle of lube for free and told him he always got an additional discount with his veteran one. Bucky was about to leave then when the owner came in to cover for a shift when the cashier explained to her what had happened. By the time Bucky made it back to his apartment he shared with his best friend, he had a new job working security there and would be in for his first shift later that night. Since then, he has done more than be security and he actually loved working there at Dreamers. The owner, Meg, told him he could get all of his new toys with his employee discount on top of his other two. The cashier, Lys, became his work bestie and the two of them would dance to whatever their hearts desired as they unloaded the new product.

Every Tuesday he worked with another cashier since Lys took those nights off and Poli was a complete riot. To this day he still couldn’t look at googly eyes without completely losing it. The night manager Jess was one of his favorites for she didn’t mind that he would come in on the nights his PTSD got too much and the two of them would clean the store. The thing that made his best friend wig out about his job was that the Dreamers staff help supply and encourage Bucky’s ever growing toy collection. One of the other staff members, Ali, had shown him some rather weird but hilarious porn involving bread. Who knew yeastiality was an actual thing??

Bucky was humming as he helped the girls unload a new shipment when the front door was slammed open, causing them all to jump. He whipped his head around to see a very, very attractive man storming up to the front counter. Bucky could see Ali peeking their head out of the ID room with their eyes bugging out of their head. Jess was the one at the counter and went, “Hello sir! How can we help you?”

The man reached into his back pocket, making Bucky roll his shoulders back when he slapped a rather large wad of cash on the counter. The man leaned over it, staring deep into Jess’s eyes. “I’ve had a craptacular night and I need your finest sex toys."

That got them all to stare at him. “Uh...what exactly are you looking for then?” Jess asked, looking bewildered.

Bucky had to agree for why on Earth was a man that fine having a bad night? The man sagged, “Anything to get me off. Please. My tinder date did not go as well as I had hoped.”

Meg came forward, a deep frown on her face. “That bad?”

The man raised his head and with a deadpan went, “If he had a Yelp then I would give him a -2.”

They all winced and Bucky’s eyes went wide. Who the hell ruined this guy? He was sex on legs. Beautiful brown eyes, high cheekbones. Bucky leaned forward to see past the counter and his eyebrows went up at the sight of the profile view of the delicious looking booty the other man was sporting.

The customer continued on, “Did not have proper items aka no lube or own condoms, did not know what certain kinks were, did NOT engage in foreplay and I still had on my shirt when I left.”

Jess’s jaw hit the ground and Meg went, “Oh fuck no.”

She pointed to Lys, “Go get the Soldier please,” pointed to Bucky, “I’m going to need the good lube. The water based one if you please.”

Bucky nodded as she asked some of the others to fetch other toys, all of them then running around to help this poor man. Bucky came back up to the register with the biggest JUG of his favorite lube and placed it down with a solid thunk. The guy’s eyebrows rose into his hairline at the sight of it, “You think I’m going to need all of that big guy?”

Bucky grinned, “Oh for the toys Bosslady sent for you’re going to need it.”

The guy’s eyes flitted up and down, giving the veteran a once over. On the drag back up, his eyes roamed over Bucky’s thighs and a glint appeared in the beautiful whiskey color. It was enough to make Bucky shift in his stance or else he would get laughed at by a shop full of his friends for getting a boner by a look. The customer leaned onto the counter, giving Bucky his attention. “Well, out of all of these toys what would you recommend then?”

Oh two could play at this game. Meg bit back a laugh as Lys came back with a rather large box in hand. She placed it down and had to give him a smile. “The Soldier.”

The guy gleefully grabbed the box, carefully opening it only to go, “Holy shit.”

Holy shit was right. Bucky’s jaw hit the ground at the sight of it for it was at least 2 inches thick and the silver of it made it look metallic. The red star on the base was raised enough that no doubt, someone was going to feel that when it bottomed out. “Okay, I’ll take it and the lube.”

Meg laughed as Jess grinned. “The Soldier here is very popular for many reasons.”

She picked up the toy and went, “It’s waterproof, comes with its own charging cord and,” here she pressed the button on the other side of the star. It began to vibrate. “It has six different vibration settings. The battery life is also very good. Fully charged this bad boy can go on for eight hours.”

“Oh Merry Mother of God,” Bucky whispered, moving closer to stare at the silicone toy.

“More like fuck me with it.” the customer said, staring at it with wide eyes. “How much for him?”

At first Bucky thought he was talking about him. Nope, the guy was basically drooling over the toy, which to be fair was pretty damn impressive. Jess’s grin grew. “I’ll give you a discount given your shitty night Mr. Stark.”

“Tony please,” he said, holding up a hand.

Bucky felt like he was missing something but he ignored it as Tony’s order begun to be bagged. Bucky came over to help and perhaps flirt some more with Tony. The man grinned as he watched Bucky rebox the Soldier, making him slightly flustered. As the one armed man began to help bag the items, Tony frowned before pulling out his phone. He groaned, placing his head in his hand.

“What’s up?” Jess asked, giving him a look.

Tony held out his phone. “Bad Tinder Date is asking if we can hook up again.”

“Sweet Jesus is the man insane? Or does he have the social awareness of a peanut?” A new voice asked. 

They all turned around to see another employee entering their area and Bucky had to grin. “Hey Misty.”

She gave him a hug, “What’s up Terminator?”

He shrugged, “Not much. See you came in at the end of this conversation.”

She simply flicked him on the ear before going, “I heard bad tinder date and him calling back. That should be enough.”

Tony snorted, “It should have been for Justin “Two Stroke” Hammer.”

Okay Bucky couldn’t handle it. He began to wheeze at the nickname as did the others. Instead, Tony blinked down at his phone before gazing at the box that held his new toy. “You know, I can always send him a pic of me with my new toy going, “I’m all set thanks.” or is that too tacky?”

Lys rolled her eyes, “Not really. You could go big and have the toy AND a guy with you. Double team and effort.”

At that, Bucky wanted to kiss her for he knew what she was playing at. Bless his sassy friends. Tony leaned across the counter, giving Bucky another look over. “I mean, I don’t have to include the toy if I have you.”

“I’m down an arm.”

“You still have fingers and a mouth right?” Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

Misty and Jess went, “Oh snap.”

Bucky flipped them off as he leaned closer to Tony, giving him a slow grin, “Baby you wouldn't be able to handle my mouth.”

Meg peeked over from Bucky’s shoulder, “Feel free to take him home with you sir. He’s off the rest of the night.”

Bucky looked over at her, confused for he did work that night. He was bustled out of his thoughts by Tony going, “I’ll take him if he doesn’t mind?”

Oh. OH. Meg gave him a look, motioning with her hands. Bucky looked back over to Tony, sending him he best sexy smirk. “Oh I don’t mind at all Doll.”

Tony smiled, making Bucky’s poor heart thud harder against his rib cage. “Then let’s go. We are burning the midnight oil here.”

Bucky laughed as he came around the counter, snagging the thick plastic bag of supplies. He nodded to his boss and friends as Tony looped his arms with his lone one. “I’ll see you tomorrow Boss.”

Meg grinned as Lys went, “I better not see you tomorrow! The day after yes but not tomorrow!”

Tony called back, “I’ll make sure he stays busy!”

Bucky felt his ears burn at the sound of laughter coming from behind him. As the two of them left the store, Jess splayed herself across Meg’s back. “Do you think Bucky is going to have fun?”

Meg snorted, “Oh he will. He brought over a gallon of his favorite lube and besides,” here she grinned, “he knows if he doesn’t then he is going to have to come back to us.”

That got them all to crack up again. It would be a while before they could look at each other without laughing…..

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so we can no longer look at bread the same ever again btw but we had fun brainstorming and making us laugh. Thank you guys and I love you. Just so you know, he never did RISE to the occasion.


End file.
